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Thursday, December 20, 2012

10 End of the World Movies That the Ancient Mayans Never Saw



Mayan Calendar
This article contains movie spoilers, and some of the movie clips may contain material not suitable for young kids. Well, pretty much only the Cabin in the Woods clip. Everything else is cool.
The end of the world is naturally a fear of many humans. I say naturally because our own concept and perception of life and the engine behind it varies so much based on our own personal beliefs and scientific proof. Yet, the end of the world seems to be something that is agreed upon, at least in general concept. Whether you believe in a religious rapture, or a nuclear holocaust, the end result is the same – we’re all screwed. The finality of the end is something we grasp better than the complexity of the beginning.
So here we are once again at the precipice of the end of the world. While many, mostly in the religious sector, have predicted many dates to be the end, this is the one that was apparently predicted long before we came along to dispute it. The Mayan long count calendar ends in 2012, at the winter solstice. The Mayans were pretty good with calendars and dates, pretty good at math. What I don’t think they were good at was time travel, predicting the future and shooting lightning bolts from their third eyes. All that is conjecture and lends itself too easy to misinterpretation and doomsday theorizing.
It is amazing that we have seen arguments, some sensible, on both sides of the issue. Really though, how could we rationally tie a mysterious doomsday to the end date of an ancient calendar? The way I see it, this is the same contingent of doomsayers that feared Y2K was going to be the death of us all. Fear not though, NASA says we’re all good and that like your desk calendar, time doesn’t end when you run out of pages to flip. A recent statement from NASA laid out the ridiculousness of the end of the world fears, and why we’ve latched on to the Mayan calendar as the time table for such.
“The story started with claims that Nibiru, a supposed planet discovered by the Sumerians, is headed toward Earth. This catastrophe was initially predicted for May 2003, but when nothing happened the doomsday date was moved forward to December 2012 and linked to the end of one of the cycles in the ancient Mayan calendar at the winter solstice in 2012 — hence the predicted doomsday date of December 21, 2012,” NASA said. They have even released a video (early) to explain why the world has not ended.
It’s clear from popular culture, books, television, film and other media, that we are obsessed with the end of the world. There have been a multitude of either world ending, or apocalyptic stories – yet most stop short of actually destroying us all. There is always that glimmer of hope that humanity and more specifically – Earth – will survive the end. So as the suggestions started coming in on Twitter, I thought, which films actually portray the end of the world? Like, the world, being Earth, is actually destroyed. Not saved as in Armageddon or just humanity threatened with extinction such as in The Day After Tomorrow but actually destroyed either through natural or other worldly means. This is what I (with the assistance of my Twitter pals) came up with in alphabetical order, that you can add to your pre-apocalyptic Netflix queue.
1. Cabin in the Woods (2011)
If you haven’t seen Cabin in the Woods then spoiler alert. At the end of this fantastic film skewering the horror genre, the very end, something unexpected happens. It’s revealed that the giant angry demons inside the Earth didn’t get their appropriation of sacrificial blood so we’re all screwed. Right before the credits roll, a giant hand shoots up from the ground and slams down on the ground, implying the end of the world.
2. Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
Any list about the destruction of the planet, nuclear weapons or the ilk wouldn’t be complete without this satirical Stanley Kubrick classic. Peter Sellers played three roles, including the titular Doctor. The most famous scene from the movie though has to be Slim Pickens as Major T.J. Kong riding a bomb like a rodeo star all the way to detonation. Really, it’s all just a complex allegory for the fragility of life and the decision making skills of those in charge.
3. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
We all the know the story here right? Don’t forget your towel. Back when it all began, Douglas Adams kicked it off with a bang. The Earth is demolished to make way for an interstellar highway. Arthur escapes the planet with Ford and so it begins. The movie (I’m fully aware of the Television series as well) starred your new favorite Hobbit Martin Freeman and a delightful Mos Def. Of course, the Earth is reconstructed later, but the copy is never as good as the original.
4. Knowing (2009)
In the wake of 9/11, the subculture of people who saw conspiracies in dates and other statistical data points were once again brought to the surface. This film, starring the ever versatile Nic Cage as a professor (stifling laughter) who starts to see the patterns in numbers, predicting the near end of the world. In the end solar flares burn up the Earth and the kids leave with Aliens. Don’t worry, the Aliens were cool.
5. Last Night (1998)
This independent Canadian film by Don McKellar draws the viewer into the last evening on Earth through a very personal lens. Intersecting stories focus on a group of Toronto residents as they spend their last night, with a ever growing sun threatening the Earth. Emotion takes over any action or suspense and the film ends with a really depressing New Years Eve type countdown. And some kissing.
6. Melancholia (2011)
Kirsten Dunst nabbed a Best Actress Award at Cannes in 2011 for this sweeping drama about the end of the world. Another planet is about to collide with our planet (apparently hiding behind the sun, because it’s clearly a planet of ninja) and destroy us all. So this artful, self reflective, sweeping film will either have you questioning your tiny existence or taking a solid nap. Even the trailer is a bit pretentious.
7. Miracle Mile (1988)
This cult classic highlighted a part of Los Angeles history along the stretch of neighborhood known asMiracle Mile. Starring a post Revenge of the Nerds and pre ER Anthony Edwards and Mare Winningham, this film is about love, regret and taking chances. When Harry (Edwards) learns about the apocalypse (hey, it’s a pay phone) he rushes to find the girl and leave Los Angeles. They don’t make it of course, and the implied nuclear holocaust ends the film.
8. On the Beach (1959)
Remember the Cold War? You might not, but your parents probably do. My father tells plenty of tales about drills at school where they had to hide under desks, as if that would protect from a nuclear blast. However, the kids thought it might, and that’s all that mattered. This film starring Gregory Peck, Ava Gardner, Fred Astaire and Anthony Perkins takes place in the future – 1964. The post-apocalyptic wasteland is threatening to end all life on Earth (which is pretty much just Australia at that point) via a giant radiation cloud. Finally it catches up to the last surviving humans and they all die.
9. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
This is probably the most charming, funny and endearing movie that ends with the world being destroyed I’ve ever seen. Starring the ever affable Steve Carell, the movie follows his travels after the coming end of the world is announced (a Deep Impact type mission fails to destroy an asteroid) to find a long lost love. Bringing with him his free spirited neighbor Penny (played by an adorable Keira Knightley), they run into an assortment of characters and learn a lesson about companionship. The screen fades to white with absolute calm.
10. Titan A.E
This Don Bluth animated film started with the destruction of Earth by a species called the “Drej” who don’t seem to like humans so much. Humans are scattered across the universe with no place to go. Thankfully, Cale (voiced by Matt Damon) holds the key to starting a new Earth. Sadly, the movie suffered from taking itself too seriously at times and childlike at others. The classic Don Bluth goofiness shines through in a movie that is about the near end of humanity, which kind of didn’t work out as intended. Still entertaining though, full of fun visuals and characters.
So if not a movie about the end of the world, what will you be watching as the ancient Mayan prophecy comes true? Unless you’re reading this after the 21st, in which case, we’ll talk again at the next end of the world.

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